Dr. Wong, prescription Re-fill please.

Tomorrow i'm supposed to get my refill, of percocets and Adderall, its going to be interesting. I really hope she goes thru with my request to stay on the 10mg percs, and the 15mg adderall. would be cool if she put me on a stronger dosage of Adderall. Although it is related to Meth, it makes me feel focused and motivated to do constructive things. I built my website while taking them. I just don't like that Meth is it's close cousin. Me and that drug have a bad history together, i was never a full blown addict, but the few times i did try it. Bad things happened, things i hate to even think about to this day. Anyways i'm gonna see if she'll let me stay on the 10 mg for at least one more month. I mean, i was supposed to ween down to 5 mg percocets. But my leg isn't healed like i assumed it would be and i find myself in pain still.

The surgery was only a month ago, so i guess i'm supposed to have pain still. but hopefully she will let me know that i'm okay to extend the plan for one more month. I know its a dangerous game that I'm playing with the pills and meds. But its so hard to see myself not on them for right now. I have only been on the oxy's for 5 months, but i heard thats still a very long time. By now i'm assuming that I'm addicted, at least for the craving to do pills.

I don't want to be addicted to anything, but the feeling that comes with the pills, is just plain awesome. Your pain disappears and you actually feel happy and settled, and have motivation to be off all the meds. I just want a few more months, and hopefully ill be as lean as i want to be, and have my body in great condition, so that i don't even notice the difference being off the painkillers.

I know that side of me is hidden somewhere, i was a happy kid and teen, sometimes moody, but for the most part always laughing and having fun, no matter what i did. then turned into a young adult and started hanging out with people that partied.

This was not a good idea, there was some fun and crazy times, but for the most part, regrets.

I don't know if i can even see myself only on natural supplements..."speaking of that, i need to go make myself some tea...brb"

so we will see what the doctor says tomorrow, in the back of my head i'm kinda hoping to be off these sooner then later, delaying the process is just avoiding the inevitable. I need to be on the road to sob rarity and realize that if she does say no, i'm weening off these liked planned. I have to be okay with that.

Watching this show "Intervention" is making me see the light.